When my husband of 27 years died in 2002, I suddenly became a "widow" on every form imaginable. The title didn't sit well with me.
As part of the baby boomer generation, I had held a job and maintained a sense of financial independence most of my life. To me, the title "widow" meant an elderly, grandmotherly woman who probably lacked adequate resources and would soon be moving in with her children. In 2002, I barely had my last child out of college, so the image just didn't match.
More than six years later, I can safely say that I've unearthed a whole new genre of woman: the working widow. I'm not the only one, and I've found a host of fellow travelers out there, some struggling to survive, some living well but carefully, and some living very well. Working widows are holding great jobs, putting children through college, creating new businesses, writing books, selling items and ideas, and (for the most part) keeping their chins high. These women are well-educated, forward-looking, and sufficient unto themselves.
When Herbie died I already knew I wasn't alone. Two close friends from high school had already walked my path, and they provided a lot of support. But when I took a new job and moved to be near my children, I found even more women in the same situation as I. And as time passed and I met some of them, I learned a real truth: we are all stronger and more successful than we would have been had our husbands lived.
Why? Because all the energy that went into the day-to-day compromise and communication of a marriage now goes into our work. Working widows take every educational opportunity, every networking opportunity, every promotion. They travel, they communicate, they volunteer, they work out, they teach, and they maintain family connections. They know how to repair their homes, care for their cars, mow their lawns, and --especially in the south-- grow a great flower garden.
Are they lonely? Seldom. Most have children, some have grandchildren. With education and experience, they know that the best way to have a friend is to be one, so they find each other --at work, at church, or in the neighborhood. These women are not sitting around waiting to collect their late husband's social security benefits, they are busy adding to their own.
Mrs. B
As part of the baby boomer generation, I had held a job and maintained a sense of financial independence most of my life. To me, the title "widow" meant an elderly, grandmotherly woman who probably lacked adequate resources and would soon be moving in with her children. In 2002, I barely had my last child out of college, so the image just didn't match.
More than six years later, I can safely say that I've unearthed a whole new genre of woman: the working widow. I'm not the only one, and I've found a host of fellow travelers out there, some struggling to survive, some living well but carefully, and some living very well. Working widows are holding great jobs, putting children through college, creating new businesses, writing books, selling items and ideas, and (for the most part) keeping their chins high. These women are well-educated, forward-looking, and sufficient unto themselves.
When Herbie died I already knew I wasn't alone. Two close friends from high school had already walked my path, and they provided a lot of support. But when I took a new job and moved to be near my children, I found even more women in the same situation as I. And as time passed and I met some of them, I learned a real truth: we are all stronger and more successful than we would have been had our husbands lived.
Why? Because all the energy that went into the day-to-day compromise and communication of a marriage now goes into our work. Working widows take every educational opportunity, every networking opportunity, every promotion. They travel, they communicate, they volunteer, they work out, they teach, and they maintain family connections. They know how to repair their homes, care for their cars, mow their lawns, and --especially in the south-- grow a great flower garden.
Are they lonely? Seldom. Most have children, some have grandchildren. With education and experience, they know that the best way to have a friend is to be one, so they find each other --at work, at church, or in the neighborhood. These women are not sitting around waiting to collect their late husband's social security benefits, they are busy adding to their own.
Mrs. B
Comments
Now, this widow needs to get busy and do some writing herself!
Magaloo